I was relatively young in my career when my manager had a life-changing 1–1 meeting with me. The venue was a conference room in Houston, Texas. I remember it like it was yesterday. She smiled at me and gave me some advice that changed my life.
When I ask a question in the room, I know you will have the best answer. However, the problem is you know this too and the way you respond leaves no room for anyone else to have an opinion. It’s not enough to have the best idea if you are the only one who is going to work on it. We are in a team sport and you need to let other people participate.
I nodded wisely as if I understood every word, but it took me years to truly understand the depth of her words. In those years, I worked with many people, enjoyed the company of most of them, and hurt a few with my attitude. The story I am sharing with you today would have hastened my professional development by leaps and bounds. I hope you enjoy it.
Ten friends were on a journey and needed to cross a river. It was late evening, and after warning each other to be careful, they started crossing. It was dark by the time they reached the other side. The group leader started counting to see if everyone had reached the other side but panicked when could count only nine friends. He freaked out and asked another friend to count again. They still counted only nine people. All the friends sat down and started mourning for the tenth friend.
A wise man approached them and asked why they were so depressed. When they narrated their story, he asked the leader to count again. After the leader counted nine people, the wise man grabbed the leader’s finger, pointed it inwards, and said, “Ten.” The leader had forgotten to count himself.
This sounds like a simple story, isn’t it? Why would anyone not count themselves? The story seems absurd. However, take a few moments and think about the crucial situations you have encountered at the workplace.
When you ask most people to deliver critical feedback, they rely on the sandwich method. They begin with good news, add the critical feedback in between, and then end with good news. This is an impractical way of giving feedback. It’s ineffective, and your colleagues see through it in a jiffy. Think back to the tenth man story. What are we missing here? Let’s begin by pointing the finger inwards.
I begin all crucial conversations where I need to offer feedback by discussing my role in this situation. I explain how I could have done better and state at least one action item I have taken out of this activity. That immediately allows colleagues to see that this feedback session is not being conducted to stick the blame on one single individual. Then, instead of offering my observations, I ask people to speak about their experiences and what they could have done better. Finally, I end with a couple of comments and a buy-in from them to act differently in the future.
When we receive feedback, however well-intended it may be, our first reaction is to reject it immediately. All of us have a healthy ego, and the ego is very useful. It motivates you to achieve more, work harder, and demonstrate your worth. However, ego is a big hurdle when processing feedback. Hence, our first reaction is to question the credentials or the motivation of the person providing feedback.
In such scenarios, if we consciously point the finger inwards, we are in a much better frame of mind to accept feedback. We can let the emotion die down, critically analyze the feedback, accept what makes sense, and reject the rest.
When we work in large organizations, we have very little control over our environment. Macro and micro-economic strategies dictate the organization’s strategy. Your department and reporting can get tossed around based on the ideas of executive leaders who have never worked in your business. Your organization can acquire another company, or it can be acquired. All of these are stressful times. Most of us spend such times worrying about things we cannot control and indulge in gossip or idle chatter. If you consciously point your finger inwards, you will realize the only thing you can control are your skills and your attitude. As you continuously improve your skills and attitude, your confidence increases significantly, and you become more relevant and valuable in your organization and industry.
Introspection is not something you can develop in one day. You have to train your mind to focus on the present moment. Then you zoom in on the thoughts and emotions influencing you. It takes time and mindfulness to do this activity. Meditation as a practice helped me a lot. I used Black Lotus, and it made a difference.
This story shows how a guru can help you move from a state of utter confusion to clarity.
Indic knowledge systems present some of the most esoteric knowledge in the world. However, in ancient times, the guru would choose the brightest students to give them this knowledge. We are fortunate to have these texts available to us. However, in order to receive them we need to purify our minds and Vedic Sadhana is the most powerful way to do it. You can use the Vedic Sadhana app, which makes the ancient rituals and practices followed by the sages of India available for you.
